I’ve had several long distance relationships across country and around the world over the decades. Distance was never really the issue of why they were relatively short-lived. Being older and settled in a career certainly makes life easier for a long distance relationship. Provided that you and your prospective mate are on the same page, communicate well, and are sincere about feelings as far as wanting to be in love there shouldn’t be a problem. Let’s keep this process simple by following these 3 simple guidelines:
- Don’t let anyone who is too immature, short-sighted, and selfish to be in their own long distance relationship tell you not to try being in a long distance relationship.
- Long distance relationships don’t require any more work than a traditional face-to-face relationship. It may require more communication and patience but not more work. If mutual feelings are there a long distance relationship will work no matter how great the distance is.
- Plan to make your face-to-face time meaningful and not just lay around and make Netflix and chill your default source of entertainment unless that is what you two actually want to do.
With that being said, I would be remiss if I didn’t also provide some helpful tips for those of you who are in the initial stages of searching for love on a dating site. A few things you have to be weary of, particularly in the initial hunting stage is a valid representation of the person you’re interested in.
Let’s be real here–Physical attraction is important. Anytime you come across a person that only has portrait shots on their dating profile be weary that they are self-conscious about something whether it be weight or physical appearance. If you aren’t particular about the details of physical attraction, then knock yourself out. However, A couple full-length shots will give you a better idea of who you’re dealing with rather than just leaving everything below the neck up to your imagination. Also, be weary of people who have too many pictures of themselves and are willing to show almost everything yet have nothing to say in their dating profile beyond surface information. In my experience people of this nature are emotionally unavailable. They may be very appealing in the beginning but eventually the truth comes out. What people like these are looking for is a relationship of convenience not reciprocation.
Be weary of people who only want to communicate through texting. There is no exuse for limiting communication to a couple simple text messages. This may be a sign of poor communication skills or they’re dividing too much of their time between you and someone else. Also be aware of a person who only wants to communicate at a certain time or allows 2 or 3 days to go by before they return communication. More than likely when a person behaves this way there is someone else they’re more interested in. In actuality there is nothing wrong with a person being more interested in someone else. Just don’t be the sucker that can’t take a hint and keep hanging around waiting for that person’s behavior to change in your favor.
If you or the person you’re interacting with is too busy for various forms of communication such as FaceTime, Skype, and traditional voice conversations at various times of the day or night, then you or the person you’re interacting with is not ready for being in a long distance relationship. Again, lets be real here. Being unavailable is a game played by people that do not have your best interests at heart. Being available builds trust and allows for one to explore being vulnerable. Trust and vulnerability are the gold nuggets of love and romance.
No one is going to admit they’re a social pariah. They’re going to try to put their best foot forward for at least the first 2 or 3 dates, so pay more attention to their actions than what they say. It’s easy to fake the funk but very difficult to hide bad character. When you encounter the red flags of bad character and incompatibility be decisive in ending the interaction and moving on. You don’t owe anyone anything beyond a sincere interaction. There are simply too many single people out there to fall into the traditional rut of giving someone who is not right for you dozens of chances. Be intentional in finding love and romance.